Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
