I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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