i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
