I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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