DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Drunk is a universal language darling
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
