I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
