I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
