You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
