Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
