i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
