Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Randomize
