New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
