the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
