Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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