I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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