Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
