I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
