I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize