Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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