so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
