The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.