Where are you?
In a non slutty way
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
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So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
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Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just high enough for therapy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed