yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
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blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
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DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.