How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night