i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You are a genius and a whore.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
