I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
