Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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