I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
