I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
