we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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