What did we do last night that was yellow?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
