And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
