His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
