...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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