Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
