you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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