i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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