i will never coherently bang her
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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