If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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