what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
