I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
