I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
