he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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