So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
