The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
