Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
