I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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