Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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