I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
