apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
