I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
