Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I will be naked everywhere
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
