At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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