If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
