My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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