Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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