I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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