I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
