Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
