and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
