I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
