oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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