tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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