Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wish there were birth control emojis
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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