I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
