I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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