How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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