my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
