Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
