Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you had me at cake vodka
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
