HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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