OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
