Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My cat gives me a boner
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
