My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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