It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
