If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
