On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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