He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
