Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
