On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, beer. Big fan.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
