i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
