I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Are we still banned from the library?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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