I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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