My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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