Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
