I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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