Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
