did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
