I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
