the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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